So I've got the little things sorted. Map - check. Toothbrush - check. Bits of rope - check. Skittles - check. I want to make it clear that it's the little things that matter. Who needs a 4 x 4 on a trip down through Africa?? I've got Skittles, baby! I've also come up with the most ridiculous shopping list I could imagine, with no intention of making a mockery of the expedition:
1. Vegetables - they'd come in handy when starving to death. But would also be very useful when bartering for our lives with Guerillas (or Gorrillas, for that matter).
2. Rope - stuck in a rut? Rope would be useful. It would also be a handy thing to have around when needing to tie up members of the party who've clearly gone mad due to heat stroke.
3. Sun-screen - protection...or lubricant? Yes, cover your body in sunscreen and you'll be able to wriggle your way out of any tight situation. Cannibals chasing you? Not a problem! They wouldn't be able to get a handle on your lubed up body. Ofcourse, you'd have to be completely naked, which would present its own set of problems.
4. Large wooden spoon - Useful for donning and shouting, "eat him instead!!" when the cannibals do finally catch up with you.
5. Small wooden spoon - for cooking.
6. A very small man - useful for various things. Can be pimped off to the locals for rice or sugar. Can also be used to divert attention as required - "look!" we'll say and point, "look at how small he is!"
7. Skittles - can be used for quick bursts of energy when required. Ofcourse, they'd leave you on a downer within 30 minutes.
That's my list anyway. I told you it was about the little things. In a nutshell, this is a survival kit for Africa. No knives or rations necessary.
